MAKE SOME BREAD

Intro

My dumbass can make bread, and so can you!

Did you know that it costs less than $2 and 30 mins of active work to make bread, with the most expensive, organic, and nutritious flour you can buy in America?

Did you know that one loaf covers most of your daily nutritional needs (protein+fiber+calories)?

I know nothing about how bread works, but I have not failed once making this recipe!!

Prerequisites

1. You are not going to bed the next 5 hours
2. A large bowl and a medium bowl
3. A largish towel of some kind. Like a kitchen towel...hand towel.. Or a beach towel idgaf.
4. A kitchen scale to measure grams
• Ok i guess you could get by without this, but it's really hard. Just get a 10 dollar scale from amazon. It'll change ur life.
5. A normal ass oven
6. A dutch oven pot.
   • If you don't have one of these. Peep FB market place and thrift stores. They come up all the time for like $20 bucks.
   • Don't use a non-stick dutch oven because teflon is scary at high temperatures (mmm toxic fumes). Spoiler alert: bread is cooked at high temperatures. Use either enamel or cast iron.
7. All Purpose Flour (EITHER KING ARTHUR OR TRADER JOES BRAND!!!)
   • DO NOT GET BREAD FLOUR. Get All Purpose Flour
   • Bro just have trust, get one of these two brands. Here's a cost breakdown
   • King Arthur Organic 5lb bag = 4 loaves of bread, around $2 a loaf.
   • Trader Joes Organic 5lb bag = 4 loaves of bread, around $1.25 a loaf.
   • King Arthur Non-Organic 5lb bag = 4 loaves of bread, under $1.50 a loaf.
   • King Arthur Non-Organic 10lb bag = 8 loaves of bread, under $1.25 a loaf
   • THIS IS LITERALLY CHEAPER THAN WONDERBREAD AT WALMART
8. Active Dry Yeast
• I recommend Fleishmann's Yeast. One of these containers makes 65 loaves of bread. Also ignore the expiration date, just throw it in the fridge it'll last a year.
9. Vinegar or Lemon
10. Salt
11. Water
12. Optional: Parchment Paper

The Recipe

• 400g Flour
• 300g warm Water
• 2g instant yeast
• 8g salt
• a few drops of vinegar or lemon

Instructions

Step 1: Put Ingredients Together Put all da dry stuff in the big bowl Put the warm water in the medium bowl. "HOW WARM???" you may ask. It should feel like when you step into a hot bath and you're like a little uncomfy for a second but then you get used to it and you're like "thats nice" Put literally like 3 drops of vinegar or lemon into the water. Why? IDK some bread magic due to acidity.
Step 2: Mix Dump the water into the dry bowl. Mix with your hand until 99.9% of the flour is picked up by your doughball. Squeegie off ur hands and stick the dough bits onto ur dough ball. The dough will look weird and dry. You'll ask your self "is this right..?" Its ok trust the process. Cover the big bowl with your medium bowl. A little dome for your breads. Leave it for 45 mins.
Step 3: Stretch Dough Three Times It's time to assault your bread. Wet your hand. Turn your hand into a claw. Violently prong the shit out of your dough with your claw hand for like 2 seconds. Now grab the edge of your dough. Stretch the edge upwards, and fold it to the opposite side. Do this in a circle around the bread, until each edge is folded. Be violent - you're getting the bubbles out of the dough. But dont overdo it, just one fold for each "edge". tbh i actually folded it too much in this video on the right but it didnt matter at all Cover the bowl with lid Wait 20 mins repeat assault again Cover the bowl with lid Wait 20 mins repeat assault again.
Step 4: Cover bowl with towel and do nothing Cover the bowl with TOWEL!!!! Wait for 1.5 hr.
Step 5: Warm up pot and oven Optional: Cut out a little circle of parchment paper to line the bottom of your dutch oven. Don't put it in the dutchoven yet. Stick your EMPTY dutch oven (with lid) into the oven Turn on your oven to 450 F. Wait 45 min
Step 6: One last fold and then BAKING TIME assault your bread one last time Take EXTREMELY HOT dutch oven out of the oven. Remove lid. Optional: Very carefully put the parchment paper circle into the dutch oven Drop your dough into the dutch oven. DO IT WITH FULL CONFIDENCE. DO NOT HESTIATE. If you fuck up don't even worry about it. It doesn't matter if it hits the wall or isn't centered or whatever. It'll turn out fine. Don't touch it. Put lid on. Put in oven. Wait 30 mins
Step 7: Remove lid Take lid off. Keep pot in oven. tbh this is just to make a browner crust. Ive forgotten to take off the lid and it still turned out 10/10 Wait 15 mins
Step 8: FEAST Take pot out. Holy shit you made bread. Dump bread out on flat surface. let it sit for 10 mins become a feral animal CONGRATS YOU DID IT!!!